Don't Leave
by Alyssa Laine
Summary: Remus Lupin's life would never make the perfect love story. He'd made too many mistakes, done too many things wrong. It was, however, the perfect tragedy. -- rated M for a reason: slash and smut, you have been warned. Please review! --
1. Black

Don't Leave

By Alyssa Laine

Chapter 1: Black

They say that right before your certain death, your life will flash before your eyes. You get a fleeting moment to see your entire world from an outsider's point of view. As Remus Lupin stood with a wand pointed directly at his heart, he began to see everything with splitting clarity.

"Any last words?" the man before him asked mockingly.

He realized in that moment, that glimpse of epiphany, that life had dealt him a bad hand; that she was unfair, unjust, and cruel. He also realized that nothing he could say now would change that.

*****

It was the year that he'd really began to feel alive.

Silver lightning ripped diagonally across he sky, a million brilliant electric tendrils of energy cleaving away from the single jagged line that touched the earth's horizon. The fire in the common room was churning out it's own soft yellow light. Remus flipped the page in his book and continued reading as thunder shook the castle, always echoing a bright burst of light.

"Remus!" he heard someone call, and he jerked his head around to see Emma Thompson running his way. She pounced on him, wrapping her arms tightly around Remus's shoulders and then ruffling his sandy blond hair. "I was just looking for Sirius. Is he already upstairs?"

"I saw him go up about an hour ago. He's probably asleep by now," Remus replied.

"Bugger," she said, sitting on the floor next to him. Emma gestured to a girl that she had entered with. She had large, dark eyes and warm ebony colored hair cut at her shoulders. She was fidgeting with her books nervously. "This is my very good friend, Oliana."

"Remus Lupin, how do you do?" Remus said politely, extending his hand. She grasped it briefly.

"Emma, I really don't think we're supposed to be in this common room," Oliana said.

"Oh, Oli, lighten up," Emma sighed dramatically.

"I'm serious! We're not really supposed to know the password to the _Gryffindor_ Common Room, are we? Please, if you get me into anymore trouble this year, my mother will kill us both."

"Me? Get _you_ into trouble?" But never the less, Emma followed Oli across the room.

"Remus?" she called over her shoulder when she reached the portrait hole.

"Yes?" he said looking towards her.

"Tell Sirius I stopped by if he's awake when you go upstairs," she flung her brown curly hair out of her face, blew him a kiss, and waved as she left.

Remus sighed heavily, rubbing his tired eyes. He closed his book, the dry pages crinkling against one another with age, and headed to his dorm. He climbed into his bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. The bed curtains were open just a bit and he could see into the bed next to his. Longish black hair swirled messily over a pillow, the merest curve of a bare shoulder peeked out from beneath folds of sheets. It made him smile. With the thunder like a humming lullaby in the distance, he fell quickly asleep.

*****

The next day passed slowly. The hot, late summer sun glared down at the Marauders as they leaned against a beech tree beside the lake. Sirius stretched out on the ground with his arms crossed behind his head. Remus smiled as Sirius squinted his eyes against the sun. He noticed all of the things about Sirius he'd missed over the summer. Sirius was wearing a light blue t-shirt that looked almost white in the sunlight. His toned forearms flexed slightly every time he lifted his head. His shirt was pulled up just slightly enough to expose a sliver of skin at his hip.

Sirius sat up out of nowhere, looked right at James and said, "We haven't seen Helen all summer, James. I fancy a visit, don't you?"

"She's always been my favorite," James said, smirking devilishly. "You know that."

Shirts, shoes, and socks flew off the boys as they ran towards the lake shore.

"Where exactly are-?" was all Remus got out before Sirius and James took running leaps into the still, murky water. The students that were scattered around the grounds all turned to look as James and Sirius yelled and splashed their way across the rippling surface.

Emma, who happened to be sitting on the opposite shore, took a running jump and swam out to James and Sirius, still in her shoes. Peter tottered off to the edge of the lake, laughing and admiring from the shoreline. Remus picked up a book James had left behind. Every once in a while, he couldn't help looking over the pages at Sirius, his back glistening in the bright sun.

As he sat against the tree trunk, Remus could do nothing but daydream.

His favorite color, he'd decided, was black. It was the color of the rare moonless nights that crept silently across the Hogwarts grounds, making everything still and calm. It was the color of the ashes that lined the grate after someone disappeared into the flames. And it was the color of Sirius's hair.

Remus Lupin had known for quite some time now that he was gay. His infatuation for Sirius Black on the other hand was a fairly new development.

The summer had brought warmth and sunshine along with an achingly bad feeling of isolation. His only escape had been Sirius's letters, always wishing that he could see Remus, and always signed with, "Yours, Sirius Black."

_My what? _Remus thought, more than once. _My friend? My something-more? Or just mine? _The whole thing, as innocent as it was, made Remus's head spin. He read and reread the letters, folded the parchment and saved them.

A few minutes later, he was joined by Oliana. "Hi," she said. "Sorry for being a bit rude last night, but some of the things Emma does are just not sensible."

"It's okay," he said. "I'm friends with James and Sirius, so I understand where you're coming from."

She smiled and sat next to him. "That lake is really disgusting."

"There's a giant squid in it."

"Really?"

"James and Sirius have nicknamed it 'Helen'," he said seriously. "They fancy her."

Oliana laughed and they fell into a comfortable silence.

"Well, that was fun," Emma said several minutes later, squeezing grungy water out of her long brown curls. She flipped her hair back as the boys trudged up to the beech tree.

"Aw, you two look so cute together," James said, plucking his book out of Remus's hand.

Oliana blushed, grabbed Emma's hand and pulled her back around the lake to where they had been sitting earlier.

"You're 17, James," Remus said, smirking. "Act it."

The four of them headed back into the castle. Sirius slowed down to talk to Remus without James hearing.

"Who was she?"

"Emma's friend."

"Well, I know Emma rather well and I've never met 'Emma's Friend', so obviously they're not very _good_ friends, are they?" Sirius whispered.

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"What's her name?" Sirius asked.

"Oliana. Why so interested?"

"She just doesn't seem like she's of very good character, is all."

"You've only just met her!" Remus said. "You're such a prat. She seems lovely."

"Hey- stop flirting, you two," James called, as they had fallen very far behind. "I'm starving."

*****

Remus laid in bed that night, letting the darkness swallow him. Black really was his favorite color. It was the color of newly repaired wizard's chess pieces, ready for another battle, another game. It was the color of the old leather-bound books that he read. And it was Sirius's last name.


	2. Moony

Chapter 2: Moony

"Ready to outline our plans for the full moon?" James said, on a Wednesday night a few weeks into term. "I think a trip into the village might be to much this time around. You're getting rather bigger as a werewolf than you used to be, Moony."

Remus laughed, and leaned in so no one would hear him. "Poor James is a tiny stag, not strong enough to hold off a wolf."

Peter looked around nervously. "Guys," he said, "There are a bunch of people in here. It's not really wise to be talking about this now, is it?"

James looked around. There were two third years sitting near the fire, and a fifth year reading a book near the window. "Yes," he said sardonically, "the common room is practically buzzing with life. Sod off, Wormtail, unless you have something good to say."

Peter's faced darkened. "I'll be busy this weekend. I've- I've joined a club, you see, and, well, anyway, we're meeting on Friday, so I suppose I won't be able to accompany you on--"

"Peter!" Remus said desperately. "We need you there! How else are they supposed to get past the tree?"

"I know the spell Madam Pomfrey uses to freeze the tree when you're around is nonverbal, but I suppose that she's only doing it so you won't know how to get in without her," he said quickly. "The Full-Body Bind, _Petrificus Totalus,_ should work. I'll bet two sickles on it."

"I've had a brilliant idea," Sirius said suddenly. "I bet a simple Full-Body Bind should do the trick."

"You're an outright genius, Sirius Black!" James said, slapping him on the shoulder. Peter mumbled his goodbyes and went off to bed, looking distinctly put-out. Remus looked off after him, a small splinter of guilt poking his side. _Peter knows we're only teasing him_, Remus thought. And the splinter seemed to vanish.

"So, Prongs isn't quite up the challenge of messing with wolves anymore," Sirius began.

James rolled his eyes. "That's not quite how I put it, Padfoot."

"Stop bickering," Remus said, "we just won't go into the village. The forest is plenty fun. Maybe we'll find some magical creature to chase."

"Remember that time in third year when we'd spotted that hippogriff?" Sirius said excitedly.

"Yes, and you upset it, so it nearly clawed out my eyes," James said in a flat sort of voice. "That was dead fun, that was. I'm just lucky my antlers were long enough to keep it away..." -he touched a tiny scar on his wrist- "mostly."

Sirius sighed contentedly, "That _was_ fun, wasn't it? One of our better exploits, I imagine."

The three of them laughed. James looked serious all of the sudden. He glanced around the room. It had emptied while they were talking.

"There's something I should tell you both," he said in a hushed voice. "My mum was pretty worried about me being at Hogwarts, what with You-Know-Who and all. She knew I had to come back, of course. I have to know all I can if I want to be able to protect myself, right? But, anyway, the main reason she wanted me back is because Dumbledore's here." He paused, looking around once more. "But Dumbledore isn't the only wizard protecting the castle. Friends of my parents, the Bones family, the Vances, some of them are here. See, Dumbledore has gathered a few people together, people he knows he can trust, and they're fighting side-by-side with him against You-Know-Who."

"Wicked," said Sirius with a dreamy look upon his face.

"It's called the Order of the Phoenix," he said. "And I'm going to join."

"Me, too!" said Sirius instantly. "You're in, right, Remus?"

"That seems awfully dangerous, Padfoot. The danger we encounter, the hippogriff for example, that's all fun stuff; that's a game to You-Know-Who. And the Death Eaters, they do horrible things. If something happened to you, I don't know--"

"This Order, this is what's going to be His downfall," James said. "You're a bloody good wizard. We're going to need you fighting on our side."

"Okay," Remus said resolutely, a small forming on his face. "Where do I sign up?"

"I figure we talk to Dumbledore as soon as we can," James said. "Tomorrow, if possible."

"Someone'll have to tell Peter," Sirius mused. "He's not the shiniest wand in the shop, but he's our friend."

*****

The next day, Sirius scribbled on a scrap of parchment during N.E.W.T. Level Transfiguation and passed it to James, who passed it to Remus.

_Full moon tonight. You ready?_ was written in Sirius untidy print. He had nice handwriting, in Remus's opinion. Slanted, rushed letters, as if everything he were writing required a certain amount of urgency.

_**Of course**_, was written in James's thick scrawl. _**Are you ready, Moony?**_

_I'm ready for this lesson to be over, is what I'm ready for_, Remus wrote. He passed the scrap back to Sirius when McGonagall wasn't looking.

_I think tonight will be more fun without Pettigrew tagging along. He makes such a scrawny rat, I always find myself stepping on him accidentally. Well, almost accidentally._

_**What club do you think he's joined?**_

_Probably Gobstones, or something like that._ Remus wrote when the note got back to him. _He was never much of a dueler, and I can't see him be good at much else._

Remus passed the note and watched Sirius smirk as he read it. He began penning a response, something full of quip, Remus imagined, something witty and clever. Sirius was really clever sometimes, and very funny. _He has a lot of winning qualities_, thought Remus, spinning his quill between his fingers. _Sirius is a great flyer,_ he mused,_ really talented on the Quidditch pitch. He is a naturally talented wizard, too. I like the way he holds his wand._ A naughty grin spread over Remus's face.

"Mr. Lupin," Professor McGonagall stated sharply. Sirius and James both had to hide their faces in their arms. "I'd prefer you not to daydream in my class. This is N.E.W.T. Level, and I really expect more of you."

Remus blushed and Sirius threw back his head, silent laughter shaking his body. Class ended a few moments later. Sirius pounced up to Remus.

"What were you daydreaming about, Moony?" he asked playfully, laying a hand in the middle of Remus's back. Remus blushed furiously, and dropped his wand. He had an infamously terrible grip. He mumbled "Nothing" just as Oliana walked up to him.

"Hello, boys," she said, handing Remus his wand, "I don't think we've actually officially met. I'm Oliana Providence."

She held out her hand and and James took it eagerly. "I'm James Potter. Oli- may I call you Oli?" She nodded her head happily. "You're very pretty. Isn't she pretty, Sirius?" He continued in a stage whisper that everyone could hear. "Personally, I think our pal Remus is over the moon for you. Shh, don't say anything, it might embarrass him."

Remus wondered if blushing could become permanent as James pushed passed him and Oli, who was smiling awkwardly. The students that were still in the classroom snickered.

"You must be Sirius. Remus has told me--" Oli began, but she was abruptly cut off as Sirius walked away, following James out of the classroom.

"I'm sorry," Remus said hastily, "Sirius is really fickle sometimes. He'll warm up to you eventually."

"Oh, good. Er, I noticed we both have Potions next. Would you walk me to class? It's always nice to have a friend, and I think Slughorn is pairing us up today. Would you--"

"I'd love to be your partner," Remus said, grabbing his books and walking out of the class with her.

Just outside the door, he caught a glimpse of Sirius leaning against the wall on one arm, his other arm wrapped around Emma. She giggled girlishly, and he squeezed her. Remus's stomach jumped, ending up somewhere behind his Adam's apple. He found it very difficult to breath as he walked. This happened a lot, Sirius flirting with girls in the hall. It hadn't really bothered him much until last year. And even when it had, he locked away his jealousy because it's not like being jealous would do him any good. Besides, his flings were just flings, girls he barely knew and didn't speak to much afterwards. But seeing him with Emma made something turn inside of him, because Emma was a friend. Sirius didn't have flings with his friends. Emma would be, dare he say it, Sirius's real_ girlfriend_. The thought of it made Remus want to do something stupid and reckless.

Tonight was the full moon, perfect time to let off his frustrations.

"They seemed friendly," Oliana chatted happily as they walked to the dungeons.

"Indeed, they did," Remus replied.

When he got back to the common room during his next free period, he saw Peter, Oliana, Emma, Sirius, James, and Lily on the couch.

"Lily is a godsend when it comes to Potions," he heard James saying as he approached. "Honestly, Lily, if you weren't my partner Professor Slughorn would fail me."

"He would not," said the redhead. "You're a good Quidditch player and, as wrong as it is, Slughorn has a soft spot for you."

"Emma's dreadful at Potions," Sirius mused. "At least she's good-looking." Everyone laughed appreciatively. Oliana had spotted Remus coming over.

"Remus and I have Potions together," she said briskly. "He's very good."

"Hullo, Remus," said Lily, giving him a one-armed hug from her perch on the couch.

"I see you've gotten over your fear of the Gryffindor common room," Remus said to Oli, who he felt was fast becoming a good friend. She was a Ravenclaw who was very much like Remus. He related to her really well, and they spent a lot of time talking to one another.

She smirked, and patted the seat next to her, which he took.

Remus's stomach clenched as he watched Sirius throw an arm around Emma, and she kissed his cheek. He tried not to stare, but it was very difficult. A little over a half hour later, Oliana suggested that her and Emma go to their respective houses (Emma's being Hufflepuff) and get their things for next class. They left the Gryffindors after a few goodbyes and hugs.

Lily left just a few minutes after that, and James followed, sneaking out of the portrait hole. As soon as he had climbed out, Remus heard Lily say, "Ah! You _were _following me. That's so super creepy, James Potter. Go away!" And she stormed away. James followed her saying, "No, Lily, I just wanted to ask you something!"

Peter had sulked off before the girls left, and so Remus and Sirius found themselves alone in the common room.

"Are you and Emma dating now?" asked Remus casually.

"She likes me a lot," Sirius said. "But I suppose that's not really any of your business then, is it?"

"Just curious," he said, wondering why Sirius was being so biting.

"Do you fancy Oliana?"

"That's not any of _your_ business," Remus said, only because Sirius was using a very accusing tone.

Sirius looked annoyed and said, "Fine. I'm skiving off Defense Against the Dark Arts." He got up and left; Remus didn't see him until nightfall.

*****

Madam Pomfrey led Remus to the Whomping Willow 15 minutes before dusk. He crawled through the tunnel, which was much too small for him now, and up through the trap door. A few minutes after he'd stripped, the transformation hit him. Changing was always the worst part. Bones snapping and reshaping and mending in split seconds; skin stretching and ripping to accommodate the changing body structure; the force of the whole moon weighing on him, so that he could not stand, fell to his knees every time. As soon as it was over, Moony couldn't feel the pain.

He was expecting something, but he couldn't remember what, his human mind getting lost in his wolfish body. He ran the expanse of the room, barreling into the wall. He had to get out, had to run free. He needed to bite something, his jaws were aching for it. He lunged at a chair, ripping the leg off.

_Moony,_ he heard someone say in his head.

His tail wagged as a huge black dog sprang from the trap door and pounced on him. _Padfoot,_ he said, _what took you song long? Where's Prongs?_

Just then, a pair of antlers lifted the trap door that had swung shut. A large stag struggled out of the opening, making Padfoot roll on the ground, his tongue hanging out.

_That is much more difficult than it was last year_, moaned Prongs.

*****

Remus woke up in a side room of the Shrieking Shack, like always, aching all his body. He pulled on a pair of pants and grabbed his robes from the dresser.

"James," he called, "Sirius, are you guys here?"

"About time you woke up," James said. "We couldn't wake you no matter what we did."

"It's probably about 7, so Pomfrey is gonna be here any minute," Sirius said, "but we didn't want to leave without letting you know."

"You should've left hours ago!" Remus said, slightly panicked. He was hurting pretty badly, and would be happy to see the school nurse, but not while James and Sirius were still here. "She's probably in the tunnel, now. You'll have to sneak into the castle another way."

"Wish we still had our map," James moaned. "I hate Filch."

"Go, now!" Remus said. There were noises coming from near the trap door. James and Sirius rushed to the front door, struggled with the lock, but managed to leave just as the trap door swung open.

Madam Pomfrey's kindly face was smudged with dirt. "Honestly," she said, "I'm too old for this."


	3. Kiss

Chapter Three: Kiss

Remus squinted through the darkness at the book he was holding. A thick curtain of silence and night hung over him in the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey always made him stay overnight after the full moon. Suddenly, a glowing jar materialized out of thin air and drifted to the rickety table next to Remus's bed.

The jar was full of small balls of light, spiraling around one another in search of desperate escape. Remus laid down his book, and took the jar in both hands. Beautiful little gypsies danced around behind the glass, their delicate wings an incandescent blur. Stiff from spending the entire day in the hospital wing, he carefully maneuvered out of his bed. When he reached the window, Remus carefully twisted the jar lid and the fairies zipped away. A huge waning moon gleamed down on the creatures as they raced towards the forest.

"Why'd you let them go?"

Remus turned his head and saw a boy leaning in the doorway.

"It's unkind to imprison innocent creatures, Sirius," Remus said as he made his way back to his bed. He sat at the foot and patted the seat next to him, beckoning Sirius.

"You looked like you needed light," he said, throwing himself onto the bed. "So, how are you?"

"Okay," Remus said. "A little bit worse for wear. Madam Pomfrey says I'm just bruised and I'll heal up fine, like always. Did you guys get a chance to talk to Dumbledore today?"

"James wanted to wait for you," he said, "which I thought was a good idea. We can try to go tomorrow."

Sirius was quite after that, first staring at the ceiling and then walking to the window.

"Why did you really come down here?" Remus asked. "You seemed upset with me yesterday, in the common room."

Sirius turned to face Remus, his palms still pressed on the cold stone window frame. "I'm not really sure where to begin…." He put his face in his hands and then paced over to the bed and stood in front of Remus. "I'm just going to do it. I'm going to stop thinking about it, and just do it. Cos if I don't do it now, I'm never going to."

Remus nodded, nonplussed. Sirius nearly knocked Remus off the bed with the force of his kiss. Remus pulled back in surprise. A wave of confusion swept over him.

"Oh, my God," Sirius said looking at Remus's face. "Oh, God." And he half stumbled, half ran out of the infirmary before Remus could do anything but mutter.

*****

The next morning, Remus was let go from the hospital wing in time for breakfast. Warm smiles greeted him, along with an icy cold silence from a certain black haired boy.

"Pass the juice?" Sirius asked of Remus, trying desperately to diffuse the stiffness in his voice. Remus did so and their hands accidentally touched, making Sirius cringe.

"Have a headache, mate?" said James, noticing Sirius's look.

"Er, yeah, I suppose. I'll catch you guys in class, okay?" He stood, grabbed his bags and left.

"What's got his wand in a knot?" James mused as he watched Sirius stride away.

"I'll go find out," Remus said. Obviously, it had something to him. Remus was confused and, admittedly, a little excited about what might happen next. Sirius, judging by how things were going, didn't feel the same.

"Sirius!" Remus called when he'd reached the Entrance Hall.

"Leave me alone," moaned Sirius sullenly as he headed for the staircase.

A moment's hesitation, and Remus said what he didn't have the courage to say the night before when Sirius was leaving. "Stop. Come back."

Sirius stood with his foot on the first stair and then slumped over the banister. "What could you possibly have to say, Remus?" he asked into his elbow.

"You're not acting like yourself, that's what I'm saying, and I want to know if its because of last night?"

"Please, do we have to bring it up?"

"We can't not talk about it, Sirius," Remus said, grabbing Sirius's shoulder and tugging him around. "You-" he looked around. "You kissed me."

"The whole thing's just so embarrassing," Sirius said, throwing back his head. "I want to die. Can't we just pretend it never happened?"

"No."

"It all went so badly. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up."

"Because you kissed me?" Remus said, hugely offended.

"No, no, no! Oh, no. Not at all. That's not what I meant. It's just, I kissed you and you had this horrified look on your face, and then I ran away. I ran away from you because I was afraid of what you were going to say. And that's embarrassing. Plus, I'd rather just not hear whatever it was you would've said, so can we forget this, please?"

"Well, you can't blame me for the look I had on my face. It wasn't a very graceful kiss, and you can't deny it came out of nowhere."

"I was kind of nervous, if you didn't notice."

"And I'm also a little confused because for about seven years I've been under the impression you liked girls."

"I do, but…" Sirius sighed, "I… like blokes, too." He looked around the Entrance hall, which was still empty.

"How did you know that I," Remus began, "I mean, that I do, too?"

"I didn't. Sort of just hoped, I suppose."

Remus blushed. "What happens now?"

Sirius stepped down from the step he was on and moved in front of Remus so that their faces were inches apart. "This," said Sirius. Remus could feel his breath on his lips. He'd forgotten to breath himself. Their lips met as their eyes closed.

Remus had been kissed before. There were impromptu games of "Truth or Dare", the time when Hestia Jones caught him under the mistletoe, and the girlfriend he'd had for a week when he was 13. He'd been kissed before, but he'd never been kissed like this.

It was a lazy, slow kiss. Sirius had two fingers pressed against Remus's jaw. His mouth was warm and smooth, kissing Remus's bottom lip, then the top. Remus found his arms were wrapped around Sirius's middle and he wondered how that had happened. Sirius's tongue moved slowly across Remus's mouth. Remus's teeth grazed Sirius's bottom lip.

They didn't stop until they'd heard footsteps coming around the corridor. Turning away from one another and trying to look inconspicuous, they saw the culprit was Emma.

"Hey, guys!" she said, "Why are you both blushing?"

They laughed, without restraint, because even if they'd told her, she wouldn't have believed it.

*****

Lessons took their course that day, Friday, as always. Remus's mind was dwelling on and reliving the kiss over and over. Sirius teased him, purposefully stumbling into him in the halls. The weekend was coming and Remus was hoping to steal a moment alone with Sirius in which they could talk about what being a couple meant, if that's what they were. It had only been a kiss or two, after all. Sirius kissed a lot of people. What if he had changed his mind? Remus pushed the thought away and bent low over the chapter review he was supposed to be copying down.

Sirius and James cornered him after class. "Let's go," they said, "Peter's going to meet us outside of Dumbledore's office."

Remus and Sirius followed James from the classroom, their hands brushing as they walked side by side. When they reached Dumbledore's office, Peter was already there and seemed very nervous.

"How do we get in," he squeaked, "None of us know the password!"

James rolled his eyes. "I _arranged_ the meeting with Professor Dumbledore, you squib. He gave me the password." James's chest swelled importantly and he said, "Blood Pops."

The large stone gargoyle leapt aside and allowed the boys entrance. They reached his doorway from the moving staircase and knocked twice.

"Come in," said Dumbledore gently. "Ah, boys, I'm glad you wanted to talk." He beckoned them forward, and conjured a few extra chairs. They all took seats.

Sirius looked over to James, who spoke, "Sir, we've come because we want to help."

"Help?" Dumbledore asked.

"We're adults, all of us," Sirius began, "and all nearly completely qualified. We know what's happening outside of Hogwarts."

"It's about the Order of the Phoenix, sir," Remus continued. "We've heard rumors that you're leading the fight against You-Know-Who."

"Don't fear his name," Dumbledore said, "Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself. He should be called as he wishes to be: Lord Voldemort."

Peter squeaked, and clapped his hands over his mouth. James spoke first.

"We want to fight him," James said, "Lord Voldemort."

Dumbledore surveyed them over his spectacles. "You four are only on the verge of adulthood." He surveyed them thoughtfully over the rim of his half-moon spectacles. Remus felt oddly bare, staring into Dumbledore's eyes, as if the headmaster could see into his very soul. "The rumors you've been hearing are true. The Order of the Phoenix is real. By choosing to become a part of it, you're giving your life to the cause."

"But isn't that all that matters right now? Lord Voldemort," Sirius struggled saying it at first, "is killing so many people. He's everywhere. How can we stop him if we don't all do our part?"

"And all of you are quite confident that your part is best served as an Order member?"

"Yes," Remus said.

There was a moment of silence before Dumbledore spoke again. "This is not a club that you join and leave when it suits you; not something to brag or boast that you are a part of. I trust that you understand the seriousness and secrecy of what you're asking to do."

Peter looked like he might pass out, but they all nodded.

"You are all very young and bold-hearted. For now, I ask only that you focus on your studies and prepare yourselves. You're still in school, and I'm still your teacher, and I expect you all to apply yourselves."

The conversation seemed to have come to an end.

*****

That night in the dimly lit and fairly empty Common Room, the Marauders gathered around the fire to discuss their first prank of the year.

"We're starting out small," James demanded for the umpteenth time. "We should work our way up to the big stunts like we do every year."

"But why?" Sirius whined.

"Because I really do think that turning everyone into stone is going to cause somewhat of a panic."

"That's the beauty of it, though!" Sirius said with sheer jubilation in his voice, "They _won't _panic! They won't be able to! They'll be stone!"

"Yes, Sirius, but this is going to be a good year for me, and I'd rather not be murdered in my sleep when they change back," James laughed.

"Don't you guys think we're getting just a bit to old to be doing this?" Remus asked.

"We're only seventeen!" Peter said.

"Which means that we're adults," said Remus.

James sighed, "Remus is right. I think it's time to grow up a little."

Sirius looked at the two as if he couldn't believe his eyes. "I'm all for growing up and being an adult, but we're not going to do a single prank? All year? We're the Marauders! It's what we do! Everyone is going to be waiting for something."

"Then we'll spend all year planning one spectacular prank to pull and finish our school days with a bang. Maybe even literally," Remus suggested.

The other three boys sitting around him nodded in agreement. James yawned and said he was heading up to the dorm. Peter got up and left as well, bidding both Remus and Sirius "Good night". Remus was sitting in his usual spot on the rug, and Sirius was lounging on the couch. The fire in the grate was dieing; it had to be nearly two in the morning. Sirius patted a spot next to him, beckoning Remus over.

"So, is Emma your Potions partner?" Remus asked simply to have something to say as he sat down next to Sirius.

"Yeah," Sirius sighed. "I'm actually rather good at Potions, but she really is awful."

Remus watched him as he talked. He wanted to reach out, take his hand, touch him in some way just to confirm he was real. Sirius, who must've sensed Remus looking at him, turned his head to look back. They sat in silence for a few seconds, just looking at one another. Sirius smiled at Remus through the darkness, slipping his hand into Remus's and leaning onto his shoulder. It might have been instinct, recklessness, or maybe even stupidity, but Remus took Sirius's face into his hands and the next thing either of them knew, they were kissing.

Sirius's kiss, he noted, was not only full of intensity but it also held the slight taste of caramel, as if he'd just eaten a piece of candy.

"I take that to mean," Sirius laughed as he broke away, "that we're definitely a…" he paused to think of an appropriate word, "thing?"

Remus could hear his own heart pounding. "Definitely," he breathed. "But people... I'm not ready for anyone to know. Not now. How are we going to hide... us?"

"I don't really know. I've never done this before." Sirius touched Remus's hand. "Are you sure you're up for the challenge?"

Remus twisted in his seat, testing the boundaries of their fragile relationship, and put his legs over Sirius's knees. "Yeah, I think I can handle it." He leaned into Sirius's shoulder.

Sirius made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sigh and kissed the top of Remus's head. Remus closed his eyes simply listening to the sound of Sirius's breathing. In the ever-dwindling light of the fire, he nearly fell asleep, content and wrapped in Sirius's strong embrace.

Some time later, he woke Sirius and they moved to the dorm silently, each going to their separate beds.


	4. Fine

Chapter 4: Fine

It was late October and lessons were taking a toll on Remus. He felt so buried in homework, he couldn't breath- much less spend any time with Sirius.

"First Hogsmeade trip of the year, boys. What are your plans?" asked James as he proofread his transfiguration essay. They could get into Hogsmeade anytime, but it was sometimes fun to go when you were actually allowed to.

The marauders were lazing in the common room during a shared free hour that Thursday. The last days of summer had sizzled away and the autumn clouds made everything heavy and sticky. Remus was laying flat on his back, stretched against the worn carpet. His own essay, already completed and rolled up, sat near him on a low slung coffee table.

"No plans," Remus said. "I'll probably go visit a few shops, but I was thinking about just staying here."

"You can't," Sirius said. "We're all meeting for lunch at the Three Broomsticks for prank-planning and general mischief-making. You have to be there."

"I don't have any plans yet, either," James said. He smiled, and turned around in his seat. "Lily, go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend," he called across the room. Lily was sitting at a small circular table with Emma and Oliana.

She considered him for a moment. "No. Ask me nicely next time, Potter," she said. The girls giggled.

"She wants me," James smirked.

"Hey, go to Hogsmeade with me, Sirius," shouted out Emma. Her eyes were wide and she was smiling as she leaned across the table.

Sirius looked blank. "Like, a date?"

"Yes." She propped her chin on her hand.

Sirius glanced at Remus and then at James who nodded and slowly mouthed the word, "Yes."

"Uh, yeah. I'll meet you at the gates in the morning."

Emma bounced in her seat and went back to reading her book. Remus sat up and looked at Sirius. He stared at him until Sirius's eyes met his. Sirius looked away, and sighed. Remus grabbed his book and essay and walked purposefully out of the common room.

*****

Remus didn't have anywhere that he actually wanted to go, so he took the first turn and walked down the main staircase, his anger building just a little bit more with each step. By the time he'd reached the Entrance Hall, he was fuming. He walked outside. The air was thick with uncharacteristic humidity, but the light wind was chilly.

He stamped over to the beech tree by the lake and sat in its shade. He put down his books, picked up a stone, and threw it with all of his strength at the lake. The rock hit the clean surface with shattering force, breaking the calm exterior and creating ripples that lapped against the shore. With his back against the tree, Remus closed his eyes and breathed deeply the sent of dirt and oncoming rain.

"That's quite an arm you have," someone said.

"Go away, Sirius. You're such a prick."

"I'm sorry."

"Emma?" Remus said scathingly. "Emma, of all people?"

"What could I have done? It would've looked awfully suspicious if I had turned down a beautiful girl for a date. And what would I have said then?"

"Well, I'm glad you like her so much. Have fun on the trip," said Remus impartially.

"Remus, look at me," demanded Sirius.

Remus peeked open one eye, glanced at Sirius and said, "You're standing against the sun. I can't see you."

"Remus," Sirius said, and this time he was right in front of the boy, straddling his legs. "Please, stop. You know I couldn't have done anything else."

"You're a smart guy, you could've come up with something," Remus said pushing Sirius off. "I- I really like you, and I just can't believe you'd say yes to her, just like that."

"Remus, it's because we're hiding us and that's a difficult thing to do without acting like myself."

"And being yourself is dating anyone who asks? Good to know."

"We're not dating! It's _one_ date, one."

"I don't like you being on _one_ date, Sirius Black!" Remus said, flaring up at Sirius.

"Then you know how to fix the problem," said Sirius.

"No, how do I fix it?"

"Tell everyone about us, Remus," Sirius said through his teeth. "It's too hard to be with you and hide it from all of our friends. I want to touch you and kiss you, and I _can't_ because there is always someone around, and there will _always _be someone there to stop us. And you can't tell anyone because you're ashamed of it-"

"I'm not ashamed of you!" Remus said defensively.

"No, you're ashamed of yourself. And you're being a coward about coming out to anyone. We've been together for less than a month and I feel like I want to just let it go, to just let you go because it's not worth it. This hiding and secrecy and lying to everyone and fucking melodrama is not worth the two seconds I get to hold you when no one's looking."

"Fine."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I'm not telling anyone, Sirius. It was hard enough, telling you. And that, well, that means just whatever you want it to."

Sirius looked at Remus for a long moment with a stony expression. "Fine," he said, and turned on his heel.

"Have fun in Hogsmeade!" Remus yelled over his shoulder.

"I will!" Sirius yelled back.

As quickly as their fling had started, it was over.

Sirius stormed away just as the rain came, and Remus had stayed under the tree. Thick, dewy raindrops plopped onto his head, and he promptly found himself soaked completely through his clothes. He stayed until the sky had finished it's weeping, gathered his soggy books and ruined essay, and, shivering, walked towards the Ravenclaw Tower. He clacked the bronze eagle knocker once.

"How does one acquire knowledge of everything?" asked the small bird in a crooning feminine voice.

Remus ran his fingers through his hair. "By never being afraid or ashamed to ask questions as to anything of which one is ignorant."

"Cleverly stated," said the bird, and the door opened easily. Remus glanced around the elegant circular room. A few students were lolling around the tables, but the girl he was looking for didn't seem to be anywhere. No one took notice as he slipped off his outer robes and sat in a hardwood chair, still cold from the rain. Rolling up his sleeves, and borrowing a sheet of dry parchment, Remus began rewriting his Transfiguration essay as he waited for Oliana.

Over two hour passed and Remus skipped his lessons, dreading seeing Sirius in his classes or halls. Just when Remus had titled up his reworked dissertation, a small group of girls entered the room.

"Remus?" Lily said with a bit of surprise. Emma, who was standing beside her, smirked. "You're all wet."

"Yep," Remus said shortly. "Is Oli with you?" As the words floated out of his mouth, the girl with shoulder length black hair stumbled in carrying an armful of books and a quill in her mouth. She glanced up when he'd mentioned her name, her large dark eyes set like two jewels in her smooth face.

"Yes?" she slurred through her teeth, a slight smile curving her lips. A moment passed as they all stood in the doorway. Remus reached out to help her with the books but his arms felt like two stiff boards grasping for her texts awkwardly. She blushed and mumbled a "Thank you." Remus sat the books on the table next to his essay, trying to remember a time he'd been more embarrassed than he was now.

"Uh… we're gonna go this way," Lily said, eying Remus. She tugged at Emma's elbow and the two walked towards a wide and tall window on the other side of the room.

"You weren't in class," Oliana said. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, of course. Um, I was just finishing this essay."

"In the Ravenclaw common room?"

"Well, I was hoping to run into you. I have a question to ask. Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend? If you don't already have plans." Her head snapped up at his request. Her eyes were wide as she looked at him. He sighed.

"Yes." Oli managed the single word just as Remus picked up his robes. "Yes, I would love to. I'm just surprised. Of course." Remus forced a smile, his heart thudding against his chest. Lily cleared her throat as she floated over.

"Remus," she began seriously. "With you taking Oli and Sirius taking Emma, who the am I supposed to spend my day with?" The corners of her mouth twitched as she said, "Tell James I'll see him in Hogsmeade, but that this is _not_ a date." The girls waved their goodbyes and headed for Oli's dorm room.

Remus gathered all of his damp belongings, his limbs numb and his chest heavy. He trudged down the stairs. By the time he'd reached the Gryffindor Common Room, all he could think of was what Sirius's reaction would be when he saw him with Oli.

*****

The table was filled up quickly as breakfast began on Friday, Sirius, James, and Peter as always a little late out of the dorm. Remus noticed Sirius took the seat next to James. A silence grew between them as everyone started eating. Not two bites into his cereal, Emma bounced in and fluttered down next to Sirius. James hid his face behind his hand and waggled his eyebrows.

"Morning, boys," Emma said. "Don't mind if I join, do you?" She smiled at Sirius who smiled back. Remus glared down at his bowl. "I was thinking about our date," Emma continued, "this weekend. I know it's a bit… cheesy, but I'd like to go to Puttifoot's with you. It's said to be quite nice and I don't get to go much because it's more of a couples' place… You'll go with me, right?"

"Of course," said Sirius. Remus looked up. Emma brashly kissed Sirius's cheek and walked off.

Remus had never felt more used in his life. Gathering his bags, he stood and said, "Catch you guys later."

He spent the day avoiding Sirius in every way, taking the long way to his classes and spending his free time in the library.

Just after the last class of the day, Remus retreated into the furthest corner of the library and thumbed through an old dust covered book. Oliana spotted him and sat down across the table.

"Remus… hi."

"Hi," Remus murmured, smiling.

"I haven't really seen you around and I was obviously very busy during class. I was just wondering if we were still on for tomorrow?"

Remus gazed at her, trying to see past his guilt. He knew that he was only taking her to get back at Sirius. Her hair wasn't as black as it was deep brown and her dark eyes looked around anxiously. She was very pretty.

"Definitely," Remus said, reaching across the table to touch her wrist. Oli smiled shyly and nodded.

"I better go. See you then."

"Remus John Lupin," crooned James as he approached the table, watching Oli stride away. Sirius was lingering slightly behind. "So that's why you've been missing. Moony and the Ravenclaw girl, sitting in a tree." James sat in the seat across from Remus, Sirius edging closer but remaining on his feet.

"Oh, hi, James," said Remus, "that's just Oli."

"Are you taking her to Hogsmeade?" James said, girlishly batting his eyelids and puckering his lips.

"Yes." Remus looked at Sirius, who seemed impassive. "I am. And speaking of, Lily told me to tell you- I can't believe I'd forgotten- that she'd go on the trip with you. You should probably go-" but before he could finish his sentence a panic-stricken James was flying from the library in search of Lily.

Sirius's eyes flashed as they stared at one another. He stood there with his arms hanging limply at his sides. "What are you doing?"

"I'm reading a book," said Remus coldly, retuning his gaze to the text. The chair scraped the ground as Sirius swung into it, making Madam Pince hiss, "Shhhh!"

"You know what I mean. With Oli," Sirius growled. Remus didn't say anything. "Remus!"

"Why so interested?" Remus asked slowly. "Do you want to shag her, too?"

Sirius's eyebrows drew together for an instant. "You're trying to make me jealous. She is a human being… with feelings, and you're going to _hurt _her."

"_I'm_ a human being. And maybe I actually like her, Sirius."

"Are you- wait, are you jealous of Emma?"

"Of course I am. The way she touches you, and lays her claim down in front of everyone. I hate everything about her. She's ruined everything."

Sirius grabbed Remus's hand across the table, a vague, wounded look shadowing his face. "It's not her fault you're stubborn. And you're going to hurt Oli by leading her on."

"I'm not leading her on," said Remus, snatching his hand away. "I like her and I'm offended by your questioning of my motives."

"Fine," Sirius said after a pause. There was some wad of thick emotion lodged in that one word that made Remus's smile of satisfaction sink with guilt.

* * *

Author's Notes: I really try to refrain from putting these in my stories, because I feel like they take away from the "reality" of thing, but I would really love if you'd review. It only takes a second, and it makes me happy.

So, reviewreviewreview. Thanks :)


	5. Hogsmeade

Chapter 5: Hogsmeade

"So, where would you like to go first?" said Remus as he walked alongside Oliana. Hogsmeade shined with the light of morning.

"Oh, anywhere, I guess," she mumbled as she walked with Remus. "I, uh, I guess we could go to Madam Puttifoot's. I mean, if you're into that kind of thing."

Remus felt a weight drop into his stomach. "Sure," he said.

He led the way into the shop, and pulled out the chair for Oli. It seemed every boy-girl couple in a fifty-mile radius had decided on breakfast at Puttifoot's. Around him, flirting teenagers talked and snogged without pausing to breath. Oli sat in front of him, blushing a little and totally silent. A sudden fear came over him that he'd spend this date not saying a single word to her. But what was he supposed to say?

The chattering in the restaurant got louder, muddling his thoughts. Was it just him or was everyone staring? Oh, God, what if that weren't Oli across from him; what if it were Sirius? People would be staring. People would definitely be staring. Sirius was out with Emma. Remus searched the crowded room to see if they were here. He stopped himself, forcing his eyes down into his lap. He didn't care if Sirius was here. He didn't care if Sirius was here, watching him blunder through this date.

"Remus, are you okay?" Oli said, frowning at him, "You've been quiet for a while, you know?"

"No," he replied, "I mean, yes. I'm quiet. Sorry. Um, no, I'm not okay. I'm not feeling… well, I have a lot on my mind."

"You can talk to me about it," Oli offered. She smiled, her eyes alight with compassion. Remus held back a small, bitter laugh.

"I'm sorry. Maybe this was wrong. I, uh, just have really been having some relationship problems."

"Oh, I-I'm sorry to hear. You're such a nice guy," she said. She paused for a moment, studying him. She looked uncertain. "You don't really like me, do you, Remus?"

"Of course, I like you!" he said instantly.

"I should've known," she said casually. "I mean, we have so many classes together, and I thought perhaps you were just shy. I was hoping that you'd ask me out, of course. You obviously like someone else, though. You've only said one word to me all morning."

His chest constricted tightly. "I am so sorry," he said. "I've ruined our date." He stared at his hands, finding it incredibly hard to tell the truth while looking into Oli's large, dark eyes. "I'm no good at this kind of stuff. You really are charming and lovely, and I wish this were somehow easier for me. I just--"

"Let's be friends," she interrupted. "That's okay, you know? For us to just be friends." Her smile was wide and genuine. "Would you walk me to the Three Broomsticks?"

"I'd love to," said Remus, and he took Oli's hand and they walked away from the café as friends.

*****

Remus jumped up the grand staircase two steps at a time. Mentally, he was preparing a speech to tell to Sirius. He wanted to lay down the rules of a relationship, something they would both be happy with, without anyone needing to know that they were, well, whatever is was that they were exactly. The Fat Lady swung open and he stepped in, the opening sentence of the speech fresh in his mind, ready to be written down and perfected.

"What are you doing here?"

Remus spun around at hearing Sirius's voice. Suddenly, everything he'd thought of was gone. "I can't remember…. What are _you_ doing here? You're supposed to be, I don't know, out having fun with Emma, right?"

"Called it off."

"What, why?"

"Because she wasn't who I wanted."

Remus looked at the floor. "Who did you want?"

"No one. I'm becoming a monk, mate, didn't I tell you? It's going to be fantastic, I can already see it. So, what ever happened to Oli? Did she dump you?

"Dump _me_?"

"Sure. I figured since you actually liked her, there'd be no way it'd end otherwise."

"Okay, I lied. You're mad at me, I get it."

"Why'd you lie?"

"To hurt you the way you hurt me."

"Which is why I'm becoming celibate."

"What are you talking about?" Remus said as he sat on the table across from Sirius.

"There's a lot less hurt to be had without putting oneself in harm's way. Or love's way. Same thing, really."

"Why are you being like this? Why are you being so cynical?"

"Me being cynical about love? Well, isn't that the cauldron calling the--"

"Sirius, this isn't a game to me!"

"And it was to me? Is that why you thought it was okay to try and make me jealous and to lead Oliana on? Because it's a game?"

"No," Remus said. "I came up here because I didn't want to be with her. And you were right and, I don't know, I wanted to fix things between us, but you're being a complete arse."

Sirius sighed and fell into an armchair. "... fix things between us..." he mumbled.

"What?" Remus pried.

"I said, you can't just fix things between us. I don't know what kind of relationship you think is worth having if we can only look at each other when it's too dark to see."

"It's going to be really hard, but of course it'd be worth it."

"I can't commit to you in secrecy, Remus. It's not possible. I'm a slut, and people know it." Sirius smirked. Remus, however, did not think this was funny.

"You just don't get it, do you?" he yelled, suddenly furious, throwing his arms open with desperation. "Do you not comprehend what people will think and say and do to you if they find out you like blokes? Life through rose colored glasses at Hogwarts school for the infamous_ slut_ Sirius Black! Because everyone loves you and adores you, they will accept you and move on? You are completely deluded!" Remus paused, and then spat out the word, "Faggot."

"W-what? What did you just--"

"Queer!"

"Remus, stop--"

"Fairy, twink, cock-sucker--"

"HEY!" Sirius shouted, "I get it, okay! I get it."

One hot, unavoidable tear rolled over Remus's eyelashes. He pulled the sleeve of his robe across his face roughly. "Do you?" he said just before he found himself folded into Sirius's arms.

"I want you. People won't understand. Don't you see that?" Remus said into Sirius's shoulder.

Sirius kissed Remus hard. "I'm sorry," he said as they broke apart. He looked at Remus, "Will you be my boyfriend, Lupin?"

"On two conditions," Remus said back. "We can't tell anyone about us, or let anyone know. You might be ready for that kind of hate, but I'm not."

"Okay."

"And you're not allowed to go on dates with anyone but me," smirked Remus, "regardless of how it affects your slut-image."

"Okay," Sirius said, leaning in to kiss Remus.

Sirius's lips were soft and warm and sugar-sweet.

"Shouldn't we head back to Hogsmeade," said Remus. "Mischief-making at the Three Broomsticks, remember?"

"In a minute," Sirius said, "Let me kiss you some more."

Remus was okay with that.

*****

The two entered the Three Broomsticks together, where they saw James at the bar trying to flirt his way into a free round of drinks for the table.

"Rosemerta," he gushed, "You are just, uh, just so beautiful today."

"Go away, Mr. Potter," said the pretty young barmaid. "Oh, hello, Sirius, Remus."

James rolled his eyes and greeted his friends, each of them grabbing a butterbeer from the bar.

"Moony, Padfoot," James insisted in an undertone as they walked towards the table where Peter and Lily sat, "You guys are my best mates, but this date with Lily is going really well, so make yourselves scarce in, like, half an hour, okay?" The three marauders took seats. Emma and Oliana happened to be in a far booth; they looked over at the group rather sulkily.

"So, about this year's prank," began James but he was cut off by Lily.

"You know, as Head Boy, you should really be investing your time in stopping silly pranks," she said, "not planning them."

He had a misty look about him. "You're right, Lily."

"Whipped," Sirius muttered under his breath.

After they'd finished their drinks, Remus and Sirius excused themselves from the table, saying they'd meet up in the common room later that night. James forcefully elbowed Peter.

Wormtail looked annoyed, got up to leave, and said, "I have a meeting to get to, anyway."

*****

Some time later, Remus exited Dervish and Banges with Sirius, throughly enjoying the time they were spending together. The deep orange sun glared at Remus just over the top of the building in front of him. The late-afternoon was unusually warm, making everything seem slow and content.

Suddenly, a huge blast and a shattering noise pierced the thick air as every window in Hogsmeade exploded from its frame in a shower of glittering shards. People began running and screaming. The door to Dervish and Banges was gone, scattered in small pieces across the ground. Hooded figures were emerging from alleys; frightened students were hiding in otherwise abandoned shops, behind counters. Sirius and Remus, to shocked to move, seemed to be the only ones left in the street besides these cloaked and masked beings.

"Death Eaters," Sirius choked out. He grabbed Remus's elbow. "Death Eaters in Hogsmeade."

* * *

AN- Reviews would kick so much ass.


	6. Recovery

Chapter 6: Recovery

Simultaneously, Sirius and Remus reached into their robes for their wands. For a split second, silence rang like a cathedral bell with every living person hearing the pregnant emptiness. Sound seemed to have never existed, in Remus's ears, except as this pure echoing stillness that filled him like lead. Life regained it's speed as every Death Eater shouted at the same time, each using a different curse. They continued shouting spells, some destroying buildings, some hexing the students.

Remus moved mechanically, his voice spilling out curses on instinct. The whole scene seemed far away, like he were watching it through a haze of white noise on a poorly tuned television. Sirius moved away from him as they fought. They had just been together, as a couple, laughing and flirting behind shelves of eagle-feather quills and stacks of multi-colored parchment. Sirius was so gentle, touching his face. Now he had an air of malice, a fierceness and hatred that radiated off of him. Remus felt inexplicably vulnerable as Sirius moved towards the other side of the street.

Remus was a slender target; many of the hexes aimed at him missed or were slow enough to block. However, a jinx managed to hit hit squarely in his chest. The force of it knocked him off his feet and threw him high into the air. He hit the ground hard, his head cracking against the cobblestone with a solid _smack_.

He couldn't open his eyes; he couldn't breath. The sun was blinding, his head was throbbing, and his lungs felt like hard, cold stone. His hands were empty, and he wondered where his wand was. It must've flown out of his hand when he'd been hit; he hadn't had a very good hold of it. There was a series of light pops all around him and everything got much quieter. He sucked in a sudden, life-giving breath. Disoriented by dizziness, he became aware of how impressively hard he'd hit the ground, feeling the brick beneath his head with hyper-acute sensitivity.

Woman were crying, and girls were still screaming. There were a lot of soft voices coming from everywhere at once, all saying the same things to one another.

"Are you okay?"

"I-I'm fine."

"What happened?"

"Who was that?"

A voice much closer and clearer sounded. "Moony," it said urgently, "Hey, look at me- Remus, open your eyes!"

Remus managed to open his eyes. Behind Sirius, the sky was the color of fire. He reached up and touched his head. His hand was wet and sticky. Where his fingers rested, he could feel a cut on his scalp burning.

He pulled his hand away and held it next to Sirius's face so he could see it. Thick tears of syrupy red blood dripped down his fingers.

Remus, overcome with a tired, dizzy sensation, closed his eyes.

*****

"Wake up, Mr. Lupin," said a familiar voice; Madam Pomfrey, Remus would recognize her voice anywhere as often as he heard it. Small hands were shaking him.

Remus opened his eyes to the warm lights of the infirmary.

"Ah, there we are," said Madam Pomfrey. "Sorry to disturb you, dear, but you probably have a nasty concussion. You hit your head pretty hard."

Remus nodded vaguely as memories of the Death Eater attack trickled into his mind. He raised his hand suddenly to his head, feeling for the cut. There was nothing there, no blood, no wound.

Madam Pomfrey saw him out of the corner of her eye. "Mended that in about a second. It might be a little tender for a while, but you'll be okay."

He looked around and noticed that the hospital wing was unusually full. There were about twelve occupied beds; most of the students were asleep with curtains pulled themselves. The sky outside was very dark, and Remus was sure that at least several hours had gone by since he'd passed out in front of Dervish and Banges.

Sirius came in quietly and walked straight for Remus's bed, surprised to see he was awake. Remus sat up. He still felt slightly dizzy and his limbs were heavy.

Sirius pulled the curtains closed around the bed and pulled Remus into a heavy, hungry kiss. When he let go, Remus saw that his eyes were red and bloodshot.

"I'm glad you're awake," Sirius said with false happiness. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. "Lots to tell you."

"What happened?" Remus said suddenly.

Sirius cast a silencing charm around them. "James," he began.

Remus's mind jumped to a million conclusions. "Oh, God."

"They're hurt," Sirius said hollowly. "James and Lily, they were out together. I can't believe it--"

"What are you talking about?"

"Voldemort," Sirius intoned. "The Death Eaters weren't alone. He was there and he.... James and Lily were in a bad spot. I've just come from Dumbledore's office. He reckons Voldemort wanted to show that he has power close to Hogwarts, followers hidden in Hogsmeade. They Apparated and then they Disapparated as soon as the Dark Mark went up."

"Th-they're_ dead_?"

Sirius swore. "No, no, they're okay, as okay as one can be. God, I'm not explaining this right. Voldemort met them by chance. He wanted a student, and so James and Lily were good targets. But, I guess James managed some hex while He was using the Cruciatus Curse on Lily. Prongs got to her and Apparated them both away before Voldemort could kill them. James is still pretty shaken from the whole thing. Lily hasn't spoken a word yet."

"But the Dark Mark-" Remus said.

"He killed someone else," said Sirius softly. "A second year called Florence Jorkins. She was Bertha's younger sister. 12 years old, Remus. Can you believe it?"

Remus shook his head distantly. There was a hard, detached look in Sirius's eyes.

"I thought you were going to die," he said. "There was blood everywhere. You wouldn't wake up for anything, and you just kept bleeding and bleeding."

Remus suddenly took noticed that Sirius's clothes were spotted with big blotches of red. Sirius was standing next to him, so Remus leaned into his chest and wrapped his arms around his middle. Sirius kissed the top of Remus's head and murmured into Remus's hair something that sounded like, "Can't leave me, Lupin... don't leave."

*****

The next day at breakfast, hundreds of owls poured into the Great Hall. Remus got a letter from his parents that said they wished they could be with him and were so pleased he was okay.

The day after, parents began arriving to take their children home.

"We're less than 2 months into term!" fumed Lily that evening at the Gryffindor dining table. Remus couldn't really eat. Lily banged her fist on the table, making her goblet jump. "Oli! I can't believe they took her away! She's an adult, a grown adult, and her parents just snatched her. I-I didn't even get to say goodbye. I mean, with You-Know-Who... who knows when I'll get to... I might not ever...." She dissolved into tears, burying her head in her arm.

_I know how you feel_, Remus thought sullenly as he speared a potato with his fork. Oli was, as it happened, becoming a good friend of his and he was really sorry to see her go.

"Don't fear his name," Remus said aloud, echoing someone much wiser than himself.

"W-what?" said Lily. She rubbed her eyes hard.

"Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself."

"And everyone bloody well should fear him," she snapped.

"Professor Dumbledore says his name," James noted in an undertone.

"But he's_ Albus Dumbledore_, James. He's the only one You-Know-Who ever feared."

"_Voldemort_," said James, touching Lily's cheek. "And you don't have to be afraid of him. I got you, Lily."

It was such a tender moment, Remus had to look away. He felt like he was intruding. Under the table, Sirius grabbed his hand.

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REVIEWS would be reall, really awesome. 3Alyssa


	7. Out

Chapter 7: Out

"I'm starving," James moaned from the couch.

Remus had convinced Sirius that they should work on their charms homework, and the two were sitting at a table in the common room, parchment and quills and books spread everywhere. Sirius looked frazzled. His dark hair was just long enough that his fringe fell into his eyes carelessly, but Sirius kept pushing it back as he concentrated on his paper. His hands were covered in dark smudges of ink and his eyebrows knotted together as he read. Remus stared at him over the edge of his book, admiring how god-damn cute Sirius was when he was focused on something.

"I should go nick something from the kitchens," mused James.

"We've just come from dinner," said Lily, who was sitting next to James.

Sirius and Remus looked at each other. "We'll go," they said simultaneously.

James looked at them suspiciously over the rim of his glasses. "Will you bring me back some treacle tarts?"

"Sure," said Remus. "Whatever you want."

James still looked dubious. "Why are you two so keen to do me a favor? You won't poison it, will you?"

"In the name of Merlin, Prongs," Sirius said. "If you wanna walk down to the kitchens so badly, be our guest."

"Oh, right. No, that's fine, you can go."

Remus hid his smirk and exited the common room with Sirius.

The halls were empty with great, long windows stretched from ceiling to floor so that Remus could seen the moon waxing over the lake. It was hard to find time to talk to Sirius and even harder to talk to him alone. The two had taken to finding excuses to leave the crowed common room together at night, walking along the otherwise deserted corridors or sneaking off to the that funny disappearing room they'd found last year while perfecting the Map.

As he rounded the corner to the corridor that would lead them to the staircase, Sirius pushed Remus against the wall. Sirius crushed his lips against Remus's and took his face in his hands, kissing him heatedly. Remus grabbed the front of Sirius's robes, kissing back. He marveled at how soft and hot Sirius's mouth was, opened just so that his kiss landed perfectly on Remus's lips.

Sirius pulled away slightly. They were both breathing heavily. Sirius looked flushed. Remus could feel the heat of Sirius's body pressed against him, chest to chest. He locked his gaze on Sirius and he could see forever in his fathomless gray eyes. The fabric of his robes clutched in Remus's hand felt worn and soft and he couldn't let go. His heart was thudding against his ribcage. It felt like every second at Hogwarts, every smile he'd ever worn, culminated in that moment, right then. He thought of saying it out loud, though of telling Sirius that he loved him. He summoned every piece of Gryffindor courage he had, terrified that he'd be rejected, and said, "Siri--"

"We should tell James," Sirius said.

"Sirius," Remus groaned, sliding away from him. "Not this again."

"We've been sneaking out almost every night, Moony," said Sirius walking down the corridor a pace behind Remus. "I'm not saying we should tell everyone, but James is a smart guy. He already suspects we're up to something." He reached out and grabbed Lupin's arm.

"I know," Remus said, "but..."

"If he works it out for himself, he's going to be furious we didn't tell him. And you know he will figure it out."

"What if he hates it? What if he never wants to speak to you again?"

"Then sod the bloody git," Sirius said, grasping Remus's shoulders with his ink-smudged hands. "If he's my friend then he'll understand, but you're my boyfriend, whom I love, and I certainly don't care what Potter has to say against it."

Remus felt himself melting. He kissed Sirius's lips once, twice, and murmured, "Okay."

"Okay?"

"If you think this is the right thing to do," he said, "I trust you."

A huge, toothy grin lit Sirius's face. He grabbed Remus's hand and began pulling him down the hall. "R-right now?" stammered Remus.

"No better time than the present, eh?"

"Um, yes, there are better times. James will hurt us both if we go back to the common room without his stupid treacle tarts."

"Oh. Right."

*****

"Nervous?" whispered Sirius once they'd returned to the seventh floor.

"I might pass out," Remus said. He felt like he had tried to swallow a large rock. It was becoming difficult to speak. "You do the talking."

"About time!" exclaimed James as they climbed through the portrait hole. "Why's there ink on your cheek, Moony?"

Remus felt his face get hot and rubbed his cheek frantically with his sleeve.

Sirius glanced around. "Dormitory," he said significantly, tossing desserts to James. James nodded, confused, and followed Remus and Sirius upstairs.

"What's going on?" said James at once. He flopped onto his bed and looked at them seriously. The effect was lost, though, because he had stuffed a whole treacle into his mouth so that his cheeks were large and lumpy and crumbs littered his chin.

"Right, well," Sirius began, standing next to Remus. "I reckon you're my best mate, and I didn't want to you find out any other way. I mean, I figured you'd be able to put two and two together pretty soon."

"Alright, then, spit it out," he said, spraying a few dry crumbs on the bedspread and floor.

Sirius slipped his hand into Remus's. There was a long moment of silence.

James chewed calmly, looking between Remus and Sirius. He looked down at their hands. A shocked, scandalized look flashed over his face and he swallowed hard, choking down his tart. "What?"

"Yeah," said Sirius tersely.

"You bloody gits!" James said loudly, looking exaggeratedly upset. He gasped. "How dare you! Treacherous snakes! Shame! Shame on you both!" He paused and his anger dissolved into a grin. He punched Sirius lightly on the arm. "Ah, I'm just yanking your wand, I knew the whole time."

Remus blinked. "What?" he said as Sirius and James started laughing. They laughed hard for several moments; Sirius grabbed a stitch in his side and James pounded his fist on the on the bed. "What?" Remus repeated, shocked.

"Oh, the look on your faces," James howled, rolling on the bed.

"James, you prat," said Sirius, "Lupin got me terrified that you'd hex me into oblivion if we told you, and you already knew."

"I knew the whole time," James laughed, wiping a tear from his eye and taking a bite of a treacle tart.

Sirius collapsed on the bed next to James, catching his breath. "How did you know, Potter?"

James bit his lip, fighting the urge to grin. He chewed the rest of his tart quickly, brushed his hands against his robes, pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and said quickly, "Moony saved all of your little loves letters, Sirius, didn't you know? You're both such girls. '_Oh, Remus, I wish I could've been with you this summer_', '_I miss hearing your_-"

Before he could finish reciting, Sirius had punched him hard in the shoulder and Remus shouted, "YOU STOLE MY LETTERS?"

"You stole my best friend, Lupin! '_Moony, everything just sucks so much when you're not here_'-- HEY!" Remus and Sirius tackled James, both trying to make him shut up. James struggled against the other two, trying to wrench his arms out of their hands. "Get off of me, you sodding gits, _gerroff_!" He managed to loose his wrist, but Sirius grabbed it again and twisted it around his back. "Arg! No, stop, I don't want to make out with you!"

Sirius grabbed a pillow and hit James hard over the face with it. Remus and Sirius rolled off the bed, and left James laying on his back, moaning, "Ow, Padfoot, my glasses hurt my nose."

They were all panting from the short burst of energy, faces flushed red from roughhousing.

Remus took a deep breath. "So... you're okay with it?" he said quietly.

"Am I okay with you beating me up? No, I'm bloody not okay with it, Lupin. I'm telling Lily. I'm her delicate flower and you've seen her when she's angry."

Sirius smirked.

"Ah, I don't have a problem with it," said James. "I mean, you're my best mates. It's about time you told me, though. It'd be nice if you showed a little bit of faith in me, Pads."

Remus felt much lighter after that. Even Sirius's _I-told-you-so _glare couldn't bring him down.

"Have either of you seen Wormtail around?" James yawned, stretching his arms over his head. "He's been pretty scare lately."

"It's his silly club," Remus said. "He had another meeting tonight."

"That's nice," James muttered uninterestedly. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight, boys."

"'Night," Sirius said brightly, and he pulled Remus out of the room.

*****

"That was exhilarating," said Sirius as they sauntered down a hallway.

"No, that was terrifying," countered Remus. "When he was yelling at us, I thought he really was going to curse us into oblivion."

Sirius grabbed Remus around the waist from behind and kissed the crook of his neck.

"But he was kidding, and we told him, and I'm happy. Aren't you?" Sirius kissed him again, slowly, just below his ear.

"Oh, yes, happy," Remus breathed.

"It's going to make sneaking out much easier than it was," Sirius said against his skin.

Remus swiveled his body in Sirius's arms and kissed the raven-haired boy. Sirius bit Remus's bottom lip a little too hard and pulled away smirking devilishly. "Ouch," said Lupin, sucking his bottom lip.

Sirius backed up a little, his face glowing with a perfect lopsided smile. "What are you going to do about?" he said. He punched Remus's shoulder, and took off down the hall.

Remus ran, too, chasing Sirius down the corridor. He was laughing and he could feel a pang growing in his side. Sirius rounded the next corner, Remus trailed behind.

Remus took the turn at a full run. He would've zipped right past Sirius, who was leaning against the wall just past the corner, if Sirius had not reached out a hand and grasped Remus by the elbow. He pulled Remus roughly, and slung him smoothly over his shoulder.

"Ugh, trap," Remus shouted.

"Your ability to affirm the obvious is as acute as ever, I see."

"Bah, let me down," Remus groaned, struggling to maintain any kind of dignity. Sirius's shoulder dug into into his abdomen unpleasantly. Remus hit Sirius playfully in the middle of the back. As soon as he had, he regretted it, because Sirius returned the favor by slapping Remus's ass hard.

"I bite back, werewolf," said Sirius.

"Ouch, let me down!" Remus begged, squirming against Sirius's grasp.

"Um, no," Sirius said, hitching his boyfriend higher on his shoulder. One arm was wrapped around Remus's knees and the other was on the small of his back. "Jeeze, you're heavy, Remus."

"Then put me down!"

"Shut up, or Peeves will hear you and we'll get in trouble."

"I'm serious!"

"No, I'm Sirius."

"Oh, my wizard god," Remus gasped as Sirius's shoulder gave a particularly nasty jab into his stomach. "Mercy, mercy!"

"Fine," Sirius laughed, heaving Remus off his shoulder and dumping him unceremoniously on the floor.

Remus got to his feet, and saw Sirius was holding open a door for him. It was the Unplottable Room. Remus smiled and Sirius said, "After you."

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PLEASE REVIEW!! 3Alyssa


	8. Unplottable

A/N- Important: This chapter is essentially completely smut. If you don't like smut, feel free to skip this chapter. You can, and you will still understand the story. Sorry I haven't updated in so long. My laptop was on the fritz so I couldn't access the chapter to post it. School's started, but I will still be posting regularly, only with a few more days between posts. Can't help that. It's kind of unavoidable. :/

Anyway, enjoy the smutty, smutty boy-love.

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Chapter 8: Unplottable

Before Remus could close the door fully, Sirius was already pulling his robes over his head, revealing a thin white undershirt. Remus crossed the spacious dimly lit room, kicking of shoes and socks, and joined Sirius on a plush red couch. As soon as he sat down, Sirius leaned into him, wrapping his arms around Lupin's waist.

When Sirius kissed him, Remus could suddenly feel his own blood pounding through his veins, coursing with every loud throb of his heart. Sirius's hand was hot against the back of his neck, fingertips dipping beneath the collar of his robes. Remus pulled away and quickly unrobed. Sirius slid his free hand up Remus's shirt. He felt light-headed and warm as Sirius's palm lay against his chest, fingertips nimbly brushing his nipple.

Deftly, Sirius lifted the shirt from Remus's body and then his own, and returned to kissing the werewolf.

As Remus moved to kiss Sirius's neck, his boyfriend's knee slid between his legs and pressed against his hard prick. Remus mentally thanked the room for being dim and hoped Sirius didn't know he was blushing. Sirius lowered himself so that their chests were touching; his knee moved lightly against Remus and the motion made Remus moan.

Sirius kissed Remus forcefully, abandoning all pretense, and slid his hand between Remus's legs. He arched cautiously into Sirius's touch and murmured a noise of assent. Sirius was suddenly unbuttoning Remus's pants and saying, "Is it okay?" very close to his ear. He nodded when his voice failed to say, "Yes, yes, yes!" Sirius's eyes were almost black in the dim, bleary light but they looked like they were on fire. Remus felt his heart flutter, beating at least three times faster than it ever had before. His breath came in heavy, ardent pants.

Sirius groaned and sunk his face into the crook of Remus's neck as he gripped his boyfriend's cock. Remus, who's voice refused to form words, tugged his fingers through Sirius's hair. The hand on Remus's cock stroked skillfully. Fingertips glided over the velvety crown of his penis and worked their way back down again. Goosebumps erupted all over his skin and he shivered.

"Oh, Moony," Sirius said huskily as he pumped his fist over Remus's dick. He pressed his hips against Remus's thigh, grinding and moaning.

The muscles in Remus's legs tensed every time Sirius's palm ran over his head, and a smooth, fiery tension raced through his center.

"S-Sirius," was all Remus could manage with his breath coming in quick, sharp starts. He grabbed Sirius's hand and held it. Sirius licked his lips. Remus slid his pants all the way off of his body and made to move forward, so that the Sirius fell back, sitting at the edge of the couch. Remus reached over to tug Sirius's pants off, and then crawled towards him. His skin was two shades paler and his eyes grazed hungrily over Sirius's hard body. He kissed Sirius once and then parted Sirius's legs. He settled himself quickly between his boyfriend's knees and took Sirius's prick into his mouth.

Sirius's started and gasped, "Lupin!" before moaning and digging his fingers into Remus's hair. Remus licked the underside of Sirius's cock as his mouth moved down. He was surprised at how soft and smooth Sirius's head felt against the tip of his tongue. He could taste a slick drop of precum, more bitter than he'd expected. He came up for air, one of his hands stroking Sirius's shaft, and looked up. Sirius was looking at him fixedly, eyes half closed in pleasure, biting his bottom lip. He was sweating slightly, drops of dew glimmering in the half-light and thin locks of dark hair stuck to his face. He let out a low, eager groan as Remus returned to his attentions.

Faintly, he could hear Sirius whispering his name and he felt his stomach flip blithely. The sensation of fingers running through his hair, tugging softly and urging him on, made Remus feel hot and tense. He sucked and licked Sirius.

"Remus, oh," said Sirius loudly, "I'm c-coming. Yes, oh, fuck."

Remus leaned up and kissed Sirius fiercely, pumping his cock hard and fast. He leaned into Sirius's chest as he came, crying out, "Oh, god, Remus!" Hot and sticky, Sirius's cum landed on Remus's hip and before he had even stopped stroking him, Sirius was on top of Remus, kissing him, his hands everywhere at once.

"That feels so good," he said as his palm slipped over his own cum, and ran over Remus hip bone. He grabbed Remus's cock, hand slick from cum, and pumped. Sirius alternated between kissing Remus heavily, and whispering, "Fuck, yes." and "Mmm, oh, Lupin." in Remus's ear as he pushed his hand rapidly down the shaft of Remus's prick. Remus was getting hotter and hotter, turned on by Sirius's murmuring, but found himself unable to make much sound except for the occasional involuntary moan of pleasure.

Remus could feel himself tensing, hot ripples of pleasure rolling over him. Wonderful, blazing coils of tension released all at once. Sirius stared into his face as he came.

He smirked, which made Remus blush madly, but the boy kissed him and collapsed on the couch cushions. Sirius grabbed Remus and twisted their legs together, holding him against his chest. Their sweaty, sticky bodies were pressed together, both of them panting.

He kissed the werewolf gently, letting his tongue glide over Remus's lips. His hand caressed the valley along Remus's spine and rested gingerly on his waist.

"That was incredible," Sirius said in a low, rough voice. Remus ran his hand over Sirius's chest and looked into his eyes.

"I-I'm not good," Remus finally choked out and his chest constricted tightly. "I've never done- I d-don't know how to- I wa—"

"Remus," interrupted Sirius. He cupped Remus's cheek in one hand and kissed him. "I love you."

"I've never... I mean, did I... did I do it right?" Remus asked quietly, feeling heat creep up his neck.

Sirius smirked and said, "You were_ incredible_. I'm still reeling from how" -he stopped and kissed Remus quickly- "perfect" -kiss- "your mouth feels."

Remus smiled embarrassedly and continued kissing Sirius. "I'm cold," Remus said, and as he did so he noticed a blanket sitting on the coffee table near him. He grabbed it and the boys threw it over themselves. A contented drowse was creeping in upon Remus.

After several minutes, warm and snug against Sirius's naked body, Remus was about to drop off. Sirius muttered something, and Remus wondered what he had said, but fell asleep before he could muster the energy to ask.

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A/N: Review and critique, because I won't get better at writing smut unless you guys tell me what works and what doesn't.


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